Sometimes, I Just Don't Have Much To Say

People sometimes ask me why I don't talk very much. They're justified in asking, by the way, I'm not trying to put anyone down here. And it's not like I never say anything at all - There are just some situations where I'm more comfortable with speaking than others. If it's the right subject and the right situation, I could go on for hours for something. But not all the time. Sometimes, I seriously don't have anything to say.

So, if it happens that I'm with a group of people who are talking and I'm not saying much, it's really just because I don't have anything to say. It's not that I don't have anything nice to say - that's a different matter altogether - I just can't think of anything that would contribute to the conversation in a meaningful way.

I don't really do "small talk," as some people call it. (Actually, I like the term "idle chitchat" better.) What I mean is, I like to be engaged in a conversation. It's not that I want to have a deep, philosophical discussion every time you call me on the phone, I just don't want to go through the motions, so to speak.

Also, it's not that I hate it when people don't include me in on their conversations. Most of the time, I perfectly happy just sitting and listening to what the people around me have to say to each other. I call it gathering ideas for writing, other people might call it eavesdropping.  Maybe it's just a writer thing, but I like to listen to others, whether they're talking to me or I just happen to be in the same room as them. The other day I found a quote about writing:

All this to say, if I'm with you and I'm not saying anything, please don't take it to mean that I'm aloof or bored. Really. I like to listen to you talk, and I feel bad if I intrude on your conversation with some random comment that barely relates. I'll contribute at some point, but in the meantime, I'll just listen.

(I hope this at least makes some degree of sense. I wrote it all out on a whim, so it might not be entirely coherent. This is just some stuff that's been on my mind lately, and I felt like I should blog about it. Thank you for reading it, and I'll see you next Friday!)